A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my unexpected bingeing ‘adventure’. Full of confidence I said that it wasn’t going to happen anymore and that I was back on track. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I have to shamefully admit that the last weeks have been a disaster when it comes to my eating habits and I even gained a couple of kilos.
Where did it go wrong? My food schedule is very clear and I followed it without any problems. I ate clean and according to my goals all day. But, as soon as the sun set the demon inside of me came out. Having left only two more hours before getting into bed with a feeling of satisfaction, I ruined it all. Like a maniac I searched the entire kitchen looking for something tasty. Or actually, something edible. It didn’t matter whether what I stuffed myself with was something to my liking. It wasn’t even all ‘unhealthy’, yes folks you can actually binge on fruits too. Eating half a giant watermelon is not something I’d recommend you.
You’re probably all familiar with ‘cheating’; eating a piece of chocolate at night when you promised yourself you wouldn’t. Well, what I did was something completely different. I’d eat the entire bar within a minute and then, still unsatisfied, start looking for something else to eat. The average amount of calories I ate in those last 2 hours of the days was probably around 2000, ridiculous isn’t it? It left me feeling so sick I thought I was going to throw up.
As I am very dedicated to the lifestyle I have chosen it came to me as a surprise that I had no self control whatsoever. Why on earth would you, at the end of a ‘succesful’ day, sabotage your own progress? I am calling it sabotaging since I knew exactly what I was doing, I did it consciously but without any control to stop it.
The turning point came when I realised that I wasn’t only keeping myself from seeing results, but I was ruining the progress I had already made. Gaining 4 kilos wasn’t worth it at all and I knew something had to change. The good news is; I did not miss a single workout. Dedicated as always I managed to get myself to the gym and do what had to be done. Lets hope that I made some gains with all of that massive eating.
I’ve been back on track for almost two weeks now and all of the bingeing weight is gone. I guess that we have to keep on learning from our mistakes and I do not rule out the chance of another binge somewhere in the future. Actually, one happened yesterday and instead of hating myself for it I decided to call it a cheatday.
Eat it all away
My grandmother’s chemo therapy had been going very well and gave us all an optimistic mindset. Then, about a week ago, she got a high fever and a couple of days later she had to be taken into hospital. She’s been there for some days now and with her fever getting higher and doctors who couldn’t find a cause, fear started to arise within the family. Yesterday we went to visit and it stressed me out. I know that I am a stress and emotional eater and thus these kind of happenings really test my self-control.
I don’t regret it since I consciously made the decision to cheat on my diet myself. My grandfather spend over an hour in the kitchen to later serve us a delicious yet bathing in oil and butter dish. For dessert I added extra whipped cream. I know how much my grandfather likes his food and that it makes him happy to see us enjoy it and that was exactly what he needed at that moment. It was not peer pressure but a choice to put someones else’s happiness first. There’s no need to obsess about your diet and for me this felt like the right decision to make. As of today I am back to my food schedule.
You’re not alone
I am not sharing this for empathy towards me or anything, I got out of the bad spiral purely on my own willpower. I am sharing this because I know that lots of you struggle, maybe in a different way, and sometimes feel alone in this. When I had gained some extra weight I absolutely did not want to post a picture of that online, most of us wouldn’t. We don’t see each other’s struggles because we don’t like to share them with the world, it makes us vulnerable and it’s embarrassing. I want you to know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of and that the road to success has many bumps so buckle up!
I struggled, I fought, but most importantly; I grew.